


If It Weren't for That Genius and His Robots Too

by infinitumetultra



Series: Chop and Change [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female Friendship, Jane Foster is totally awesome, Tony just wants science friends, abuse of a coffee table, mentions of other Avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 06:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitumetultra/pseuds/infinitumetultra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil would have been happy ignoring his dependency on Darcy but, of course, his life isn't that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If It Weren't for That Genius and His Robots Too

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry about how long this is taking, to those of you who are following it. I just got a new job and the Holiday Season is kicking my ass already – not to mention school work. The next installment is brewing in my head, so as soon as I can sit down and get it typed up I'll have it out. (Also, I apologize for the lack of smut again... it's coming, I promise.)

Tony Stark was a meddling bastard; Phil just wanted that to be on the record somewhere. Phil might have been letting his sentimentality get the best of him, he knew that, but it didn't change the fact that Stark was trying to horn in on it. It would come as a surprise to some, seeing as the point of meddling was to get involved with things that had nothing to do with oneself. Most people assumed Tony would plain ignore anything that didn't revolve around him. Most people were wrong. 

Being back on the job was busy and satisfying, even if he was supposed to 'take it easy.' Phil thought he was taking it easy. Moving into Stark Tower had been a good idea, Tony was right (as usual.) With most of the team present it made liaising very convenient, and the commute to Headquarters was really no bother at all. Phil kept the house upstate, just because he liked knowing there was a space away from work he could go to – even if he would rarely get the chance. But it wasn't a perfect arrangement. Mostly because Tony Stark was a meddling bastard.

When he had told him that Darcy would have to be included in the new living arrangements he didn't think Stark would take it so seriously. She was living in the tower, yes, but they were sharing a suite. He wasn't sure what bothered him more; the fact that Stark was on to whatever subtle nonprofessional thoughts he was having or that he hadn't yet made an attempt to arrange for them to get their own separate apartments in the tower. Phil wasn't one to delude himself, he knew he'd had plenty of chances and he didn't really want her to go so he didn't say anything. But Darcy hadn't even batted an eyelash either, and if that wasn't some kind of sign that maybe this would be okay he wasn't sure what was.

But now she was gone.

It wasn't as dramatic as he kept making it sound in his head. She was away on a mission, a very delicate and personal mission that posed very little danger to her health. Darcy would be back in a little over a week and to an untrained eye it wouldn't really even be obvious she was gone. But to someone who knew that at nine thirty on a Tuesday, Darcy would flail into the apartment, make a pot of coffee and trip over herself to make sure that the television was on. But it was the first time in a while they had been separated for more than one day at a time. The first two days were actually relaxing – having the apartment to himself was nice but it was Tuesday and there were no loud sounds of her floundering into the place, no quips and no Darcy.

Phil lingered in the living room for a moment, slightly uncomfortable with a silent admission to himself that he missed her. He made coffee (terrible, in comparison to hers) and settled onto the couch with his work before he turned the television to the same show she rushed to catch every week. 

–

“How could this possibly happen?! You of all people! Are you even qualified – not that qualifications have ever gotten in your way before – but still! You hated S.H.I.E.L.D. or do you not remember that part? They stole your iPod – AND MY EQUIPMENT – and you wouldn't shut up about your iPod even though years of work had gone into and were depending on MY EQUIPMENT! Now you're Agent Lewis?! S.H.I.E.L.D is dangerous, Darcy, and they've screwed me over – I'm never going to get any of this published ever and Thor was here! He was back and they sent me to Norway. NORWAY. HE WAS IN NEW YORK AND THEY SENT ME TO NORWAY!” 

Jane's tirade didn't really have an end in sight, and nearly all of her sentences were punctuated by flailing or the slapping of her hand down agains the poor coffee table separating her and Darcy. Several times Darcy opened her mouth, ready to interject only to be overridden by a subject change or a quick addition to whatever complaint she was making instantly. After a few tries, she decided to sit still and wait it out. Eventually Jane would run out of steam and they could maybe have an actual conversation. 

Regardless of the sheer anger seething out of her, Jane was a lovely sight to Darcy. She had missed her a lot – even the wordy, hard to follow lectures. For whatever reason, she was still in Tromso, so that's where Darcy was. The Astrophysicist looked like she'd been deprived of sleep for a week and she wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case. Jane was manic, and it wasn't just her frustration with Darcy, she was probably underfed and needed some rest. Darcy knew she was there to convince Jane to come to New York to help with finding a way to get Thor back on Earth, but the more protective side wanted her close so she could make sure Jane was healthy. 

“Is that a gun?” 

Darcy was silent for a moment until she realized Jane was actually asking a question and expecting an answer. “Oh!” She said quickly, “yeah. Standard issue. Nothing special.”  
Jane looked appalled. “Where's your taser?

“I carry it around when I'm off duty,” Darcy shrugged. “Not quite comfortable with having a piece on me while I grocery shop.” At the responding silence, she found her window. “I know this is really overwhelming and I am really, really, REALLLLLY, sorry that S.H.I.E.L.D. is being all exploity about our friendship but Phil told me I didn't have to come. He gave me an out, but I didn't –“

“Phil?!”

“Oh.” Darcy felt her cheeks heat up a little. “Agent Coulson.”

“Phil?” Jane gave her a 'mom' look.

“Believe me that is a whole other conversation for a whole other time,” Darcy shook her head and clenched her eyes shut. “Look, Jane, I know, okay? Trust me. One minute I was walking to get my degree and the next Director Fury was throwing me into training. And yes, SHIELD can be shady as fuck but...” Darcy trailed off and closed her eyes for a minute, “just hear me out, okay?”

Jane looked close to protesting but she slumped in her seat. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” she replied earnestly and took a deep breath. “The Battle of New York was Loki – he managed to brainwash Erik and one of the Avengers and... well... you've seen the footage.”

“Is Erik okay?!”

“He's fine,” Darcy said quickly. “He's obviously got some... psychological issues to sort out but he's working on them – he's gonna be okay.” Waiting to see if there would be another interruption, Darcy bit the inside of her lip. “SHIELD sent you here because of Thor. They weren't trying to come in between your epic novel romance, but since Loki targeted Erik they were afraid he might go after you too. It sucks total balls that you didn't get to see him but they just wanted you safe.”

“They shouldn't have lied.” Jane's stubborn tone was weaker now.

“Trust me, Fury is getting hell for all the tale-telling he's been up to,” Darcy said, reminiscing on the broken nose he had been sporting after Phil's come back. “And aside from all that, SHIELD wants Thor back on Earth. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are brilliant, but they aren't astrophysicists, and they aren't you – coming to New York and working with SHIELD is going to be a pain and you don't have to like it but they have the resources you need, Jane.”

Jane looked about sold, but was still sulky. “There's still no way they'll let me publish. Scientific discoveries have to be published to be legitimized, Darcy – there's no way around that.”

“I wouldn't throw publication out the window yet,” Darcy raised her eyebrows. “Dude, aliens literally fell out of the sky and onto New York. It wasn't very subtle – people are going to be asking how and why and what the hell is going on, and SHIELD can't stay quiet forever. Sure, some of it will be redacted but they're going to have to let someone answer their questions.”

“And you think that'll be me?”

“It's your theory! Banner and Stark will help, sure, and if Erik gets his shit together in time he'll be right there with you, but this is all you, Jane.” Darcy smiled a little. “And if none of this convinces you – you haven't slept in a week, you're probably living off crumbs from toast you made three days ago, and I'd like it if you were close enough to harass into sleeping and eating like a somewhat normal person.”

That made Jane smile, and Darcy knew she won deep down, even if her friend was going to be stubborn about it. Jane sighed. “I dunno, Darce.”  
Darcy smiled. “I'm here for another six days, you have a little time to think.” When Jane just frowned even more, Darcy sighed. “Look, I spent all day flying yesterday -- I'm really exhausted and you look like you haven't slept in three weeks.” She winced, “I threw a lot at you today. And I'm, like, really sorry about that I just didn't want to show up and throw some bull shit at you about why I was here. Why don't we both just get some sleep, tomorrow I'll help you reorganize all your data since I just know you laid waste to all the systems I had put in place...and then, I dunno. We'll catch up.”

“Okay.” Jane slumped a little. Her chin jut out a little stubbornly and she refused to meet Darcy's eyes but she said, “It is really good to see you, y'know.”  


“No. No sappy talk right now. Sleep.”

Jane laughed, and shook her head before she got up and went towards her bedroom. Darcy fell over on the couch, checked her phone and debated texting Phil but her eyes were already drooping by the time she went to compose a message.

–

Phil's phone buzzed in his pocket and he glanced at the caller ID: Darcy. Sitwell looked over to see him get out of his chair and abruptly (but quietly) leave the meeting they were attending on clean up progress back in New Mexico and in Midtown. SHIELD was shorthanded, a lot of agents died in the research facilities on the other side of the nation, some died during the battle that nearly grounded the helicarrier, and what was worse, a lot of civilians had also lost their lives in New York. Stark Industries, Red Cross, as well as countless other companies and charities were contributing – and so was SHIELD under the table, but the meeting was depressing. It made Phil wonder if he was still part of the statistics on the casualty numbers, and it disturbed him a little.

Darcy giving him an out with a phone call was heaven sent. “Coulson.” He was glad his voice didn't give him away.

“Hey, boss!” She sounded cheerful. “How's it going?”

“Could be better,” he responded.

“Not interrupting, am I?”

“Not at all, Lewis,” he said, “how is Norway?”

“Couldn't tell you. I've seen an airport and a laboratory, and those seem pretty universal.” Darcy reported.

“What's the status on Foster?”

“She's taking a nap.” Darcy said, “trust me, she needs to catch up on as much sleep as she can.” There was a mothering tone to her voice that made his lips twitch, trying to let a smile break out. “I'm packing up some of her things right now, and when she wakes up she'll start signing wavers to get some of her equipment moved over to the tower.”

“So it went well?”

“Sure, as long as you don't count the half-hour long rant and the abuse of a really pretentious, new age, artsy looking coffee table.”

“I think we have paperwork for the assault of inanimate objects, you may have to fill some out.”

“Har-Har, Phil,” Darcy replied blandly. “It went fine, she's on board – but I want to make sure she gets herself into decent shape before we let her play with Stark and Banner...”

“That bad?”

“I swear to God she had experiments growing in her coffee machine... and don't even ask about what little food I found around the place.” Darcy made a fake gagging noise, “it was like frankenpastries and sandwiches that had begun to evolve into sentient beings.”

“But she's coming.”

“Yes,” Darcy sounded pleased.

“Well done, Lewis.” Phil said.

“Thanks, boss. I'll see you in a couple days.” She responded, obviously taking his response as a dismissal.

“How are you doing?” He blurted out quicker than he meant to, trying to catch her before she hung up. There was a pause on the other line, and he thought she might have hung up. “Darcy?”

“Great,” came her voice. “It's... It's really nice to see her.”

Phil felt a smile tugging at his lips. “You'll be tired of her stubborn antics again after a couple weeks.”

Darcy snorted, “I'm more tolerant than that – it'll take four weeks at least.”

Turning toward the closed door to the meeting he really should have been getting back to, he didn't let himself sigh before he said, “I've got a meeting.”  
“I'll be home soon. You remember how to work a coffee machine without me, right?”

“My dependence has not grown that deep, Darcy, I think I can manage a couple more days.” Phil said.

“Mhm, sure,” she was smiling, he could tell. “Bye, Phil.” She chuckled.

Phil hung up and held the phone in his hand for a few moments, frowning slightly as he walked back inside and took his seat. 

–

Eight o'clock, Tuesday night and it was just him in the apartment. Again. Darcy was back in New York, even in the tower, but she was caught up in helping Jane get settled. They had requisition forms to put out, paperwork to sign and Tony was practically banging down doors to get Jane to come play with him and Bruce. As soon as she told him that she was back he considered going to see her. He really wanted to go see her, but thought better of it. Phil was obviously being more transparent than he thought and that really just wouldn't do. He could wait until she made her way back on her own. 

He honestly was not expecting her for another hour and a half, fully anticipating the usual routine of her bumbling in at nine-thirty to catch her show. So when the door opened and she rushed in, his eyebrows raised and he watched her quickly pass by him to put her suitcase in her room, run back into the kitchen and begin a pot of coffee and then head for the living room where she stopped abruptly when she saw him. A grin split her face and he returned it.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hello. Everything all set with Foster?”

“She passed out and I made a run for it,” Darcy said breathlessly, moving to sit on the couch next to him. “Jane had to read through all of the contracts twice before signing them, and Tony just kept badgering me to 'go take care of Agent and let Dr. Foster get her science on.'” She rolled her eyes.

Phil felt his eye twitch.

“But Pepper finally dragged him away and Jane went into a coma – and now I'm going to catch last week's episode before the new one comes on.” Darcy smiled easily.

“Last week's was good.”

“You watched it?”

“It was on,” he shrugged. When there was no response he looked over to see her staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“No spoilers.”

Phil snorted. “I swear.”

Darcy queued up her show before standing and moving to the kitchen. She came back with two cups of coffee: one just as he liked his and the other for her. Settling back down on the couch she stretched out her legs across the couch, Phil tried to read the same line in his debrief from Natasha three times before he realized Darcy hadn't started her episode yet. Looking over he found her sipping her coffee, and looking at him – her grin just a little more bashful than usual.

“What?” He asked.

“It's just good to be home,” she shrugged reaching for the remote.

“It's...good to have you back.”

He didn't look back at her after he said it, internally berating himself and cursing Tony Stark for exacerbating things. Phil felt the couch shift as she slid farther along it to lay down, and her toe poked his side playfully before she curled up as she usually did. Last week's episode played in the background, Darcy made unnecessarily obscene commentary and Phil finally got around to finishing Natasha's debrief. By the time the newest episode of her show was about to air, Phil had put away the paperwork and sat back to watch it with her, even granting her commentary a response now and then. As tired as she was, she was really glad she didn't just go straight to bed like she had planned.


End file.
